And again, I found out that good girls love bad
And again, I was too naive to see it.
I fell head over heels for you, and I thought that you would catch me.
You didn't, you let me fall so hard that my heart broke into a million pieces.
I haven't found them all, yet.
I hope, someday, I will.
That someday I will be able to trust someone with all my heart again.
Someone that will catch me.
Someone that does deserve it to be trusted.
Someone who won't break my heart.
Someone who will pick up the missing pieces of my heart and fixes it.
But I'm sure that the inevitable will happen, I'll get hurt again.
And in the end, the thing that bothers me the most is that it's all my own fault.
LoveI can’t even think straight(not that I ever could, but still).
She’s on my mind and she refuses to leave.
Sometimes it even feels like all the bad has fucking left.
Sometimes I’m happier than I ever was.
I can’t help it, but if I could, I still wouldn’t.
It’s remarkable how one person can suddently come into your life and mess around with your feelings, mess around with you, mess around with your life, in a good way.
That person becomes a part of you, the best part of you.
CryingI hate getting emotional.
When others get emotional, for whatever reason, I want to be there for them, tell them that it is okay to cry.
And when I, myself, start crying, I can literally punch myself.
Because ‘when I cry, it is weak’(my words).
I cry too much when I do not want to cry.
And the rare moments that I actually want to cry, I can’t find a single tear running down my face.
I make sure we’ll both be fine.
I want to be a part of you.
Please say you love me and let me say ‘I love you too’.
I want to know you, do you want to know me?
Let us just leave together and be free.
And then, when we are alone, kiss me like you’ve never done before.
Everyday I will love you just a bit more.
Until I realise that this is just a dream.
TypicalIt’s funny, when I feel bad there are a few things I can’t stop doing. Those are writing things(things like this), listening to music and reading.
Three things in which I can completely get lost in.
Because I’m afraid.
On the outside I’m tough.
On the other hand, I am just a weak little girl inside.
Am I different?
What is the definition of ”different”?
When exactly are you different?
And what is the norm?
Is there a norm anyway?
Is being different wrong?
Is it weird that I like different, or what different is to me?
The norm is what the majority is like. I don’t think the norm is a solid concept, but I do think that there is a norm. Sadly.
Just breatheBreathe, just breathe. That’s all it takes. Though a thing like this seems simple, it can turn into something so difficult and complex. Unfortunatly…
LonelyFeeling lonely, feeling insecure, feeling as I always feel.
Why, you wanna know?
I have no idea.
I have a few very good friends.
They’re everything to me.
I’m not alone. Not even near that.
And yet I feel like it.
Lonely. But not alone.
DeathDeath is the only certain thing in life.
The moment you are born,
you know for sure you’ll die.
Most people see death as a negative thing but I’m not confinced it is.
Death can put people out of their misery. Out of their pain.
And if death didn’t exist,
there would be way too many people on this planet.
death takes people away.
But it isn’t the end of the world.
I admit, I would not mind to die sometimes.
And altough I really want to die now and then,
I can’t handle the thought of what kind of impact it will have on the people I love.
After I’ve said this, it’s only fair to say that death is a good, but sad thing.
Who you are
Who are you? Do you know that? Can you tell me?
Who am I? I think I know but the confusing thing is; I don’t.
I don’t know myself. I used to know myself.
I’ve changed so much that I don’t even know who I am anymore.
And the changes that I made weren’t all positive, most not even near it.
I regret it. And the part that sucks the most is that the only thing I can do is try to change in a positive way en get to know myself.
That is not easy, I can tell you.
I push everything away, that isn’t right.
I need to get to the problem but I’m too scared.
Too scared I will fail. I will disappoint everyone.
And most of all I’m scared that I will disappiont myself.
I hear many people say: ”Be who you are, don’t change… etc.”
I won’t do that, because who I am now, is not who I wanna be.
I will change.
What I want to be and what I am.
Everytime you finally feel good again, you think:
''Maybe it's over now, maybe there is sunshine after rain....after all.''
But that never happens.
I don't exactly know if it is life giving me a hard time.
Or if it's just me.
Me giving myself a hard time, bullying myself, tearing myself down.
I'm so, so empty and at the same time I feel too much emotions.
I don't know myself anymore.
I don't wanna know myself.
Because I'm afraid that that person is horrible.
That that person isn't worth living.
Every second? Every minute? Every hour? Every day? Every week? Every month? Every year?
I don't know, 'cause I'm starting to feel numb.
Is this normal?
Does everyone have this?
If so, I deeply respect for everyone!
I want to give up.
I really don't have a choice, I just have to keep fighting.
For my friends, for my family, for all the others that feel this way and are giving up.
How do you define it?
What is de the meaning of life?
Well I know what I would answer; life is fucking hard.
The definition for me is, you are born, you fight, live, love, laugh and cry and then you die. The meaning is that no matter how hard life is for you, you should never give up.
Just keep fighting.
You’re worth it.
Somewhere out there is someone waiting to fall deeply in love with you and spend the rest of their life with you. You’ll figure it out, eventually.
You’re not gonna get me. I’m doing the best I can. I will win, you won’t.
And that’s the end of it . I may be crazy, but that’s okay. I was born, I lived, I loved, I laughed and I cried. And I will do it again, and again, and again.
So suck it up!
Just one simple word but it’s so hard to do sometimes.
You think, and think, and think again.
You are going crazy.
You are making yourself crazy.
But you’re worth so much more than what you make of yourself.
It doesn’t matter that you can’t stop now and then, as long as you don’t give up and keep trying.
You’re amazing and strong.
Think about that!
Why did I trust you so easily?
Why did I let you in, tell you everything?
You played with my feelings, my heart.
You took everything and left me with nothing, completly empty.
You didn't think about what was right for me, not even for a second!
I want to kill myself for listening to you, trusting you.
Because all it did was bring me pain.
You hurt me.
I don't know if you did it on purpose, but you did.
And I don't know how to be happy again and move on.